Trying

Do you ever have those days that you just feel like you want to throw your hands in the air and say "Whatever".  Just... Whatever.

Yesterday was supposed to be a good day.

A day of love and fun with my babies.

Time for us to do some fun things, visit Santa, ride some rides, and laugh, 

and enjoy each others company, and ... and... and...

and... it didn't happen.

I've now had 24 hours and 2 glasses of wine to buffer my emotions, so I'll 

keep this as short and to the point as I can. 

(but this is ME, we're talking about...)

Basically... the morning started out a total mess and somehow, the day managed

to go downhill from there.  Try as I might, I couldn't get them to understand

what I was asking.  I couldn't get them to do as they were told.  I couldn't keep

my temper and patience in check after the 13th time of "No, we aren't leaving yet,

please stop asking about seeing Santa, and riding rides, and getting presents...."

We almost didn't go.  Honestly.

I called Ryan in tears.

"What do I do?  If I don't go, then I'll disrupt a very short lived tradition and I will be 

disappointed.  I was so looking forward to spending some time with them doing a fun activity.

 But if I let them go, I feel like I'm just negating every thing I just said, and am rewarding 

bad behavior."

We went.  And through Santa, they did well.

I had hope that the day might turn around yet.  

Wrong again.

All in all... the day left me with such a feeling of disappointment I had a hard time

coping with it.  I was past the point of angry at my children, I was just really sad over

the good memories that didn't happen on a rare day I get to spend with them.  

I questioned if I was being a good parent.

Am I doing enough teaching about being kind, and giving of yourself?

Do I expect too much of them?  Do I expect not enough of them?

I'm trying.  Trying to be the best mother I can be to my girls.  Raise them into intelligent, 

independent women, with deep and compassionate hearts, that offer up light and laughter

simply for the pleasure of passing it along.

As I think about tomorrow and the meaning behind Thanksgiving, I think about what

to do throughout the day.   The only conclusion I've come up with, is that I will wake up, say a 

prayer, and try and forget the bad day that happened 2 days ago.  I will try to give them both

a little more insight into being a kind and respectful lady. I will try to have an extra dose of

patience stored up for the whining that will undoubtedly happen.  

And I will love them.

No trying needed there.