Friday, September 5, 2014

A mommy's worry

I'm not usually an overly worried mama.
I allow my children to figure things out on their own
I encourage them to be independent and sometimes learn things
the hard way. 
I know that life isn't always easy, and I don't want them to grow
up thinking things will always go the way they want.

But just this morning, I had a moment that made my heart ache.

We drove Ellie to montessori and dropped her off.  On the way
back to the house, Lila was talking a little about school and we were
discussing next week and when she'll take the bus and when she'll have
to go to SAC (before school care).  
She offhandedly mentioned that yesterday on the way home, neither
of her friends wanted to sit with her, so she sat by herself.
She didn't seem particularly upset or distraught over the matter, just 
casually mentioned it.

I made light of it and we came home and spent 10minutes together
before she ran out to the bus stop.

The bus was late today and she ran home to ask what was going on.
I hustled her out the door again, and as we got to the end of the driveway, 
we could hear the bus coming around the corner.
She took off and ran back, and I stood there, just watching the kids file onto
the bus, Lila was the last one to get on.

Suddenly, I was overwhelmed and crying.
What if she had no one to sit with?
What if kids were mean to her at school?
What if she's not making friends? 
What if... what if... what if....??

So rarely do I worry about such things, but today I can't stop thinking about it.
I know all kids go through tough times... that's all part of growing up.
But I can hardly stand to think of my little girl feeling bad or lonely or scared.

My Lila is a strong and smart kid.
She is outgoing and personable, but she is very emotional and sensitive.
I believe this can be both a good thing and a bad thing, but this morning... I'm
saying a prayer that she will have an extra good day and make lots of friends
and be nice to everyone, and not have a moment of sad or lonely or scared.

I love her so much.

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